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"So sad it had to come to this."

This article has been confirmed to be cancelled by its creator.

Jonah's Missions is an 1001 Spears video game.


In the year 2030, weird alien dinosaurs invade, and Jonah, Abe, Spindler, and Welsh must stop the dinosaurs before it is too late! But these dinosaurs have abilities beyond what Jonah believes. Will Jonah's Missioners stop the dinosaurs? Or will earth be eradicated? To stop them, Jonah's Missioners must kill all of the dinos.

European Version

The European version of Jonah's Missions is moderately different from the North American and Australian versions. The European version takes place after the events of the American version, but is identical, outside of sprites. The large weapons from the American version are now grapple guns and large cages for capturing alien dinosaurs. The level backgrounds are also changed from wrecked cities to deep rain forests. This is done to both make the game like Jurassic Park with the location, and censor the game to a PEGI 7 by having the characters catch dinosaurs instead of killing them. After demand from the European public, the uncensored version of the game was released separately under a PEGI 12 rating, and is free to anyone who has purchased the original.


Name Image Advantages/Disadvantages Description
John Rambo
  • Completely balanced
Jonah is a patriot, a paleobotanist, a sharpshooter, and a daredevil all wrapped in one. He loves to test his luck when he fights the Dinos, always waiting until the last moment before shooting them with the Cosmotron Blaster.
John Matrix
  • Runs slow
  • Jumps extremely high
  • Weak
Abe is wily, and will use any means to kill the Dinosaurs, and is the most driven member of the squad. He has camouflage on his face. He and Welsh always argue over whether to defend from the Dinosaurs or take the battle to their nests.

Image credits to

  • Lightning fast
  • Cannot jump
  • Super powerful
Spindler is no paleontologist, and would never even try to pronounce dinosaur names - to him, they are all "Scales". Spindler was selected to work with Jonah's Missioners and believes the best way to beat a "thunder reptile" is with lightning speed. "Strike first, strike quick, and get away clean" is his motto. He gets along well with the other missioners and is the only one capable of disciplining Abe. Although he has never told the others, Spindler's goal is to defeat the biggest and evilest Tyrannosaurus Rex singlehanded.

Image credits to

  • Immobile without a vehicle
  • Can make vehicle hover no matter what
  • Cannot attack without armed vehicle
Scientist, aerospace engineer, astronomer, chemist, ethologist, experimenter, genealogist, empiricist, gemologist, histologist, mycologist, researcher, rocket scientist, technologist, and the technician of the Mist MultiMode Bazooka, Welsh is the wiz kid and inventor of the team. He is conflicted about their fight with the dinos, preferring to capture them for study instead.


Name Image Weapons Description
  • Cosmotron Blaster
The Roadrunner is a 4x4 ATV, a sweet little support vehicle that cruises alongside the large vehicles and helps to flush out the small reptiles and dinosaurs for capture. What the Roadrunner lacks in durability and attack, it makes up for in mobility and speed. It is armed with a Cosmotron Blaster rocket launcher.
Metropolitan Mauler
Metropolitan Mauler
  • Supersonic Screamer
The Metropolitan Mauler is the lovechild of a roadster and a dragster, topped off with a sentry gun. The vehicle is not very armored, leaving the driver vulnerable, however, but its Supersonic Screamer turret is advanced technologically, dealing much damage, and the vehicle goes quite fast.
Flame Mjolnr
Flame Mjolnr
  • Mist MultiMode Bazooka
The Flame Mjolnr is a large off-road vehicle equipped with the Mist MultiMode Bazooka, which means it is built for mobility and damage, as the rocket launcher atop it deals quite a bit of damage to its targets. However, it isn't the speediest or the most protective vehicle in the game, either.
Steel Simba
Steel Simba
  • X-4 Kinetic Launcher
  • Freezing Cannon
The Steel Simba is a tracked tank that is driven by three characters. It has hightech weaponry such as the X-4 Kinetic Launcher and the Cryothermic Cannon rocket turret, as well as a ladder for easy boarding. It deals a ton of damage, is highly durable, and can go on any terrain, but is quite slow.
S-2 Storm
S-2 Storm
  • XL-8 Electric Launcher
  • Prak Radar Beam
  • Twin Quintuple Laser Guns
  • Twin Supersonic Screamers
The S-2 Storm is a modified Russian Mil Mi-24 "Hind" attack helicopter, equipped with an XL-8 Electric Launcher, a Prak Radar Beam, twin Quintuple Laser Guns, and twin Supersonic Screamers. It has two cockpits, spinning engines, and a boom crane. The S-2 Storm is the ultimate vehicle, mastering damage, durability, speed, and mobility, with the added bonuses of flight and the ability to hold all four players.


Name Image Description Levels
Residential Zone
Residential Zone
Once a nice, large, and organized zone, the residential zone has now been reduced to rubble after the Alien Reptiles attacked it. The first world in the game, as well as the easiest.
  1. Shacks and Dwellings
  2. Coastal Department
  3. Rural Town
  4. Overlord Mansion
Commercial Zone
Ruined Commercial Zone
A that once housed commercial establishments. Houses a variety of grocery stores, pizzerias, and other buildings, but they're all pointless now that the city has been destroyed.
  1. Dee's Diner
  2. Merchants' Supermarket
  3. Game Store
  4. Overlord Ghetto
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