Letter Carrier/Transcript

''[Start at Sheldon’s home. As he talks, it pans through his ceramic figurine collection.]''

Sheldon: Ceramic Piranha Carcharodontosaurus... Porcuking, Bengalscorp, and... soon…Ceramic Plusharch! (Imagines Plusharch, a fake version of it materializes on the empty section of the shelf. Cut to Sheldon, he’s sitting at a computer) Available online TODAY! I buy now! (Clicks the "Buy Now" button and the item gets shipped.) Wonder when arrive. (Hears a knock on his door then opens it.)

[Zoe puts some mail in a mailbox and runs off.]

Sheldon: (Sees a note on the entrance and peels it off to read it.) "Sorry... I missed you. - Postwoman Zoe"?

[Another knock on the door and Sheldon opens again, only to find that there is no special delivery but another note on his door with the same message.]

Sheldon: (Growls and takes the note off of his door.) "Sorry... I missed you. - Postwoman Zoe"?!? (Rips the note in pieces and dials a number.) Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up...

[Splitscreen to Sebastian on the other line.]

Sebastian: Hello?

Sheldon: Sebastian, Zoe deliver; I keep missing!

[Sebastian digs into Sheldon's home]

Sebastian: Zoe quick... but... we Christians stop... her with stone... solid plan.

''[Scene changes to outside Sheldon's home. A boulder lands in a gorge behind Sheldon and Sebastian jumps down.]''

Sebastian: Boulder wall stop... Zoe stone cold. You get Plusharch!

[Zoe zooms pass Sheldon and Sebastian and over the boulder wall, and another note flutters down.]

Sheldon: "Sorry... I missed you."...? (Both glare at each other.)

[Scene returns to Sheldon's home, where Sheldon is on the phone again, Sebastian is next to him.]

Sheldon: Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up...

[Splitscreen to Kristian on the other line.]

Kristian: Hello?

Sheldon: No Plusharch! Help!

[Kristian digs to Sheldon's home.]

Kristian: Zoe speedy... but I have... stone-solid plan!

[Scene changes, outside Sheldon's home again.]

Kristian: We dig, we hide, Zoe here, we catch; Plusharch!

[Zoe puts in mail and runs off]

Kristian: FAST! DIGGER!

[The Christians dig and Zoe comes zooming.]

Kristian: I catch Zoe!

Sheldon: I catch!

[Zoe plays whack-a-mole with the Christians and zooms off, leaving all of them covered in notes.]

Sheldon: (Holding a Morpher Wheel.) Men, I have stone and solid plan!

[The Christians touch the Morpher Wheel, turning into phallic drawings and crumbling together, Merphing, and chase after Zoe.]

Christian Merph: Time to crush... your rush!

''[The Christian Merph transforms into a boulder. Zoe sees the boulder with a shocked look, and then the boulder gets closer, and closer, until it finally reaches Zoe, bowling her over. After the dust clears, they are DeMorphed and Zoe is lying on the ground.]''

Zoe: (Hands Sheldon a package.) Package for Sheldon.

Sheldon: (Rips package open, gasps.) It adorable! Ceramic Plusharch! I got it! My plan worked! Woohoo! (Laughs, the other Christians smile.) Oh, yeah! (Throws the Plusharch on the ground and his laughing turns to crying and then he blows his head off with a Skeet Shotgun, sending cerebrum jelly and iron shards flying, while the other Christians frown in confusion.)