Death Road to Press Start! (Press Start: Episode 28)

Death Road to Press Start! is the twenty-eighth episode of Press Start.

The Episode
Miles and Sky wake up in Sky's house by his computer where they entered Reigns. They seem to be unscathed

Sky: What....just happened?

Miles: I think we just got killed in a video game.

Sky: Then, shouldn't we be.....er.....dead?

Miles: Um....I guess so?

Sky: Why aren't we, then?

Miles: Maybe...a glitch in the game?

Sky: Jeez, for once a glitch helps and doesn't delete all OF MY SAVE DATA IN FALLOUT 4!?

Miles pats Sky on the back

Miles: I know it's hard-

Miles looks like he starts to think really hard

Sky: What's up?

Miles: Wait, where's Pixel?

Sky: He probably died or something. Anyways, wanna go see Black Panther?

Miles: Dude! Pixel is our friend!

Sky: Whatever, I guess he did save my life a couple of times...

Miles: That's the spirit! I think...

Sky: Well, he was acting strange before we blacked out.

Miles: Yeah, he hates Maroon 5, but he was singing "Take Me to Church".

Sky: You are just.....so disappointing.... on so many levels.

Miles: I aim to displease! Hey, didn't you say you were researching video game god powers?

Sky: Yeah, so?

Miles: Maybe he was possessed, or something!

Sky: Pft...Possession? That's a bit ridiculous, don't you think?

Miles: How much do you want to bet I'm right?

Sky: Pixel's book of N64 cheat codes?

Miles: Deal!

Miles hops in Sky's chair, spins around, and goes into Sky's folders

Miles: Let's see, a list of abilities that have been discovered that you downloaded!

Sky: Alrighty, let's see!

Miles opens up the list

Miles: Teleportation, Shadow Morphing, Self-Destructing, Flight, and Possession!

Sky: Damn, Pixel is gonna be pissed.

Miles: Now, about Pixel being gone....

Suddenly, they hear a noise coming from outside in their town center, which is currently having a Farmer's Market being held there

Sky: What now!?

Sky walks over to his window a few feet away from his chair and computer and opens up the blinds

Sky: Woah....

Sky's look of frustration quickly turns into a face of large concern

Miles: What's up?

Sky: You might wanna see this, dude!

Miles runs over to the window, now opened by Sky, to see Pixel, flying around above the farmer's market, shooting down stalls and buildings with fire balls, lasers, and arrows

Miles: Is that.....

Sky: Yeah....

Suddenly, Pixel stops and looks directly down, slowly turning his head towards Miles and Sky. Pixel then lifts his hand towards them slowly

Miles: Run!

Miles then grabs Sky by the shirt collar and quickly drags him out the door of Sky's house just before Pixel shoots a fire ball at Sky's house

Sky: What.....just....happened?

Miles: Long story short, Pixel sees us and wants us to......how do I say this...meet a slow and grim death.

Sky: Wait, what!?

Before Sky can scream, Miles sees Pixel flying straight towards them

Miles: Fuck......don't look now!

Sky: W-why-

Pixel flies right into Sky and Miles, but instead of killing them like Miles thought, he instead grabs them an pins them both to the ground

Miles: Pixel! Why are you doing this?!

Pixel, after a short pause, returns with that same crimson-eyed look right at Miles

Pixel: I have my reasons...

Sky: Go ahead, kill us! We know you won't!

Miles: Shut up!

Pixel: Actually, the dork is right, I won't kill you...but I do have a game we can play....

Miles: Game?

Pixel: I'll send you to Pixel's favorite game...if you make it out alive, this'll all be fixed.

Miles: Pixel's favorite game? What is it? Mario Party or Ollie Ollie?

Pixel: You'll see...

Suddenly, a portal open up on a wall that is nearby on one of the few buildings Pixel didn't destroy

Sky and Miles then wake up in a game called "Death Road to Canada" next to a dead zombie and a pug dog

Miles: Alright, now that we're here-

Sky: Oh. my. god. MILES!

Miles: What?

Sky: Look at the dog! He's so cute!

Miles: We need to focus on saving Pixel!

Sky: But, the doggy...

Miles: SNAP. OUT. OF. THE. DOG'S. TRANCE.

Miles slaps Sky after every word

Sky: Fine then!

Suddenly, a deep voice booms over a speaker in the top corner of the room

???: Hey-hey-hey! Look who's back!

Miles: Fuckin' Dave again.

Dave: Well that isn't kind!

Sky: Considering you tried to kill us a nillion times, I think we have our reasons.

Dave: Whatever......Anyways, I've trapped some pe-

Sky: Did you possess Pixel?

Dave: Possess Pixel...err......yeah! Me, bitch!

Miles: Hey, that is a male dog, jerk!

Sky: Not helping!

Dave: Now! What I was TRYING to say, was that I've trapped some people here in this game.

Miles: So?

Dave: You'll save then, right?

Sky: It depends.

Miles: Yeah, who are they?

Dave: Er....Chris Pratt and Jake Kaufman.

Miles: I'M COMING MR. PRATT!

Miles runs down a corridor, falls down a set of stairs, and comes back up with a bloody nose and black eye

Miles: Something tells me he lied about Chris Pratt.....

Sky: Yeah, but what about Jake Kaufman?

Miles: Who the hell is Jake Kaufman?

Sky: He did the Shantae games' soundtrack.

Miles: ......

Sky: Double Dragon Double Zero soundtrack?

Miles: Er....

Sky: The Shovel Knight soundtrack!?!

Miles: Oh yeah...that thing...with the guy and the shovel....with the uh....

Sky: Let's just go.

Miles: Yep!

Sky flips a bed and sees a furled-up piece of paper

Miles: What'd that poor bed ever do to you?

Sky: It pissed me off....don't judge me.

Miles: Hey, what's that?

Sky: Dude, its a creepy piece of paper that has been under a bed for who knows how long.

Miles: I once saw you eat a cat's hairball, I think you'll live.

Sky: I got a hundred bucks for it, though. Ha! One hundred more than you have.

Miles: Dude, I'm sixteen and don't even have a part time job.

Sky: Fair enough!

Sky picks up the paper and rolls it out into a map

Miles: Huh, a map.

Sky: No shit, Sherlock.

Miles: Okay, fine, use the map legend to find the lake next to this building.

Sky: Obviously it has the lake....by the....elder's home.

Miles: Sky, what your looking at is a tire yard on fire.

Sky: I knew that! I was testing you.

Miles: Uh-huh...Oh, they have a layout of this building, as well.

Sky: Nice find, Sky!

Miles: I did that....

Sky: Nope!

Miles: Sheesh, fine,

Sky: Let's see, kitchen, living room, bedroom, torture room, etc. WAIT!

Miles: What?

Sky: I know just where to look!

Sky starts to run off, but Miles grabs him by his hood

Miles: Before we go anywhere, let me ask one thing. Where are we going to go?

Sky: The bathroom, duh.

Miles: Let's just go to the torture room.

Sky: Why? They probably already have an appointment going on, and do you really want to wait?

Miles: I mean, why don't we bust down the door and shoot it up?

Sky: We don't have any guns, and we can barely lift a table together, let alone bust open a door.

Miles: Yes....true....

Sky: So, maybe, we should just try and leave this game?

Miles: Yeah, I guess so-

Suddenly, moaning sounds come down from the hall

Sky: Zombies? Great....

Miles: I'm here to chew ass and kick bubble gum. Wait, no.....that's not right.

Sky: Miles, you'll get us both killed by the time you get that right.

Miles: Fine!

Miles and Sky run down the hallway and duck into the kitchen

Miles: What now?

Sky: Well, we could grab some kitchen knives and find the zombies. Then, we could slowly slit their throats and watch all their blood gush out and drink it-

Miles: ALRIGHT! That's enough imagery!

Sky: Heh.

Miles: Now, as disgusting as that was, it wasn't a terrible plan.

Sky: Thanks, could you rate my plans on Yelp later tonight?

Miles: What? That isn't even how Yelp wor- nevermind

Sky and Miles grab some butcher knives and prepare to crack some zombie skulls.....until a zombie sneaks behind Sky and bites his neck

Sky: Is this dying thing.....g-going to be regular...?

Sky drops dead, blood spurting from his neck

Miles: Okay, what the fuck!?

Miles slashes the zombie's face with a knife, while a portal opens up and drags Sky's body into it

Miles: Greattttt! Just fuckin' great! Of courseeeee!

More moan begin to surface from down the hall

Miles: And that's my que to split!

Miles starts to run, but that same speaker booms, except it sounds a little more muffled

Dave: Hey! Congrats to Miles, you made it!

Miles: Gee, thanks....wait a second.

Miles runs to a door in the kitchen that leads outside. Outside lies a taco truck with a mega phone duct taped to the top. Inside sits Dave E. Venderman

Miles: Dave....

Dave: AH!

Dave drives his taco truck into the wall several times

Miles: Wow.....you are just....wow.

Dave: Thank you!

Miles: Alright, I know you're behind this. And, you're about to go down, Vendman!

Dave: That is VendERman to you!

Miles: Whatever, you're still dead.

Dave: Or am I?

Dave backs up his taco truck slowly, until some great force flips over his truck

Dave: I did what you asked, please don't do this!

Miles: I'm gonna go hide in these bushes....

Miles dives into some shrubs while watching Dave lying on the ground bleeding, the truck on fire

Miles: I have to help him-

Suddenly, a man with a red aura and large, black beard slowly floats down to Dave

???: You failed me again...again.....again...

Dave: Please, sir, this isn't necessary!

???: Oh, I do believe it is.

Dave starts to tear up as the biker-esc man's hand begins to glow black

Miles: Oh my god....

His hand goes straight through Dave's chest

Miles: DAVE!

Another, more angelic voice, whispers to Miles as he stands up

Angelic Voice: I think you've seen enough here, my child.

A portal opens, dragging in Miles