Steel Thy Shovel! (Press Start: Episode 29)

Steel Thy Shovel! is the twenty-ninth episode of Press Start.

The Episode
Sky and Miles are seen standing in the town square, looking up at a statue of Abraham Lincoln

Miles: This stuff is getting crazy man...

Sky: What do you mean?

Miles: Just, this whole video game thing, how long do you think we're gonna make it through this without actually dying in-game?

Sky: I dunno, as long as the gods of video games want us, I guess.

Miles: Gods of video games? Hey, wait, didn't you say that there WERE gods of video games at a time?

Sky: Yeah. But, there was that war and their all dead now. Why?

Miles: I thought you said two were still alive?

Sky: Oh yeah.....what were their names again?

Miles: You studied them!

Sky: You....uh......learned about them!

Miles: Please, that was two episodes ago!

Sky: Yeah.....well.......you're fat!

Miles: No, you!

A park ranger walks up to Sky and Miles

Ranger: I'm gonna have ta' ask ya'll to leave this establishment.

Miles: Why?

Ranger: .You've made nearby children cry due to your petty fights

A smirk grows on Sky's face

Sky: Oh well, I'll just chill here the-

Ranger: You, sir, initiated the fighthappening. And you, too, will need to be removed from this block.

Sky: Fine......wait, why are we listening to a park ranger at a farmer's market?

Ranger: That is classified information.

Miles: Okay then, let's leave....

Ranger: Good day.

Sky and Miles leave and begin to walk around town, until they reach a hill with a plain cape cod house atop

Sky: Huh, when'd they build that?

Miles: I'm not sure, and I know this place inside out.

Sky: Huh. That's odd.

Sky begins to keep walking, when Miles jumps from some reason and then speaks up

Miles: Is thou too scared to discover what is behind the door of the home?

Sky: Thou? Really? Alright, Shakesphere, you are on.

Sky starts to climb a fence surrounding the house's yard, his hands start to bleed from the barbed wire.

Sky: Ow....Alright, your turn, Miles.

A smirk grows on Sky's face when Miles jumps again

Miles: What just-

Sky: Bawk Bawk!

Miles: Oh, shut up and let me climb the fence!

Miles climbs up the fence while Sky jumps down and looks at the house

Sky: So, watcha' think is in there?

Miles: Oh, gee, I don't know. Probably workers, since this house just appeared and is being built!

Sky: Hey, you're the one who wanted to snoop around.

Miles: Uh-huh, sure. Let's just go in and out.

Miles and Sky go up and knock on the door

Sky: Hello?

No response is heard

Miles: Maybe they aren't home?

Suddenly, the old door completely falls over, revealing a huge room made of what looked like pure gold

Sky: Woah....

Miles: This is amazing....

Sky: I think this may be illegal, though, so let's-

Miles: Oh my god, HE HAS AN ATARI!

Sky: Wow, you are just the saddest nerd in the worl- ARE THOSE G.I. JOE FIGURES IN MINT CONDITION!?

Sky and Miles are seen running around the house, destroying things while "Through the Fire and Flames" plays in the background

Sky: Alright, Miles, we only have one room left to explore.

Miles: The bathroom?

Sky: Something tells me we shouldn't do that.....I meant the attic!

Miles: Ohhhh, yeah...

As Miles pulls down a ladder to get to the attic, the music fades

Sky: Maybe we'll find some video games to steal?

Miles: Again, that is STILL illegal!

Sky: Sure it is...

They climb up the ladder, only to find themselves in a dark, cramped attic

Miles: Wow, this isn't nearly as great as the rest of this mansion.

Sky: Oh, not fancy enough for you, your majesty? AH, SPIDERS!

A small spider lands on Sky's face, causing him to run around nd fall into a box of video games he had never seen before

Miles: What're those?

Sky: I dunno, "The Fallen Jaguar"? "Wikimagedon"? This is....special.

Miles: Don't be so harsh!

Sky: No, this game chip is just labeled special.(edited)

Miles: Huh. Weird.

Sky: And it says "PLAY ME" on the back.

Miles: Wow, Alice in Wonderland much?

Sky: Hey, we can get copyrighted for that shit!

Miles: Oh, crap...Let's play it.

Sky: On what?

Miles: You have a Nintendo Switch, right?

Sky: Oh, of course. It always has to be ME! Why can't you be the one with the games being played at your house?

Miles: Fine, I have a Switch, too.

Sky: You mean the one you stole from the toystore?

Miles: No!

Sky: Mhmmm?

Miles: Let's just go to my place!

Sky and Miles ride bicycles to Miles' house. Sky crashes into a parked truck

Miles: Alright, here we go.

Sky: Don't mind me, just....bleeding internally.

Miles: Great!

Miles opens the door to his house quickly

Sky: Let's go!

Miles: Woo hoo!

Sky and Miles run up the stairs into Miles' room, where a Nintendo Switch is waiting for them

Miles: Let's do this!

Sky: This better be worth it.

Miles inserts the chip into his Switch

Miles: Here goes nothin-

The chip shoots back out of the console

Sky: Well, that backfired.

Miles: Sure did....Maybe we should just return this?

Sky: Yeah...

Suddenly, Miles and Sky blacked out. Once they awoke, everything looked like it was out of some old arcade game. They didn't feel as if they were in their own skin anymore

Sky: Well, I think I had one too many spoonfuls of sugar.

Miles: Ugh...

Sky: Hey, Miles. What are you wearing?

Miles can be seen wearing shiny blue armor and wielding a sharp shovel

Miles: Huh, cool.

Sky: You look....so dorky.

Miles: At least I don't belong in the eighteen hundreds!

Sky can be seen wearing a plague mask, a dark blue cloak, and holding a staff with the head of a crow upon it.

Sky: Woah, wait....

Miles: Why do I have a shovel!? A goddamn shovel as my weapon?!

Sky: Miles, you're the main hero of this game.

Miles: Ahem. I mean, go shovels!

Sky: That's what I thought. Hey, what's that over there?

Near Miles and Sky, a man in a crimson red cloak holding a scythe is getting up

Miles: I've got this.

Miles screams like an amazon warrior and repeatedly hits the creature over it's head with his shovel.

???: Gah!

Miles: Hey, I know that mega brooding edgy voice!

Sky: Pixel?

Gametime: Is that an insult?

Miles: Oh, the other forgettable edge lord of this show.

Gametime: I'm not an edge lord!

Sky: Welp.....at least you aren't Pixel.

Miles: Fair enough.

Gametime: Where are we, anyways?

A giant pixelated Shovel Knight logo appears above their heads

Miles: Contra, for sure.

Gametime: Wow, that was hilarious.

Miles: I know, I do shows every Sunday at The Laugh Factory.

Sky: How do you manage to go from Pennsylvania to California every Sunday night?

Miles: Small screen magic.

Gametime: Alright, Mr. I'mcoolcauseIbreakthefourthwall, what do I have to do to just get outta he- what the hell am I wearing?

Sky: Some red cloak and you have some sort of a scythe.

Gametime: Great, the dork gets the shiny metal armor, the moron gets the explosives, and the normal one gets a god damn farming tool. That's fair.

Miles: So, are you just gonna bitch and moan or help us figure out what we need to do in this game?

Gametime: Well....if it helps me get out of here.....

Sky: Great! So, I think I see a cave over there we could explore.

Miles: Alright, one issue.

Sky: What's that?

Miles: We can't jump across a gap that big!

A large hole in the ground can be seen with no end, only blackness

Sky: Dude, we're in a video game, remember? We can jump that!

Gametime: Or die trying......

Sky: Not helping!

Gametime and Sky jump the gap with ease, jump when it comes to Miles' turn to jump, he panics. Yet, he still just makes it

Miles: Wow, that wasn't so bad after all....

Sky: Told ya'!

Suddenly, out of a nearby, small patch of grass, a huge flaming slime jumps out and crashes into Miles, sending them both down the pit. Three bronze bags of money fly up from the pit. While Gametime and Sky snatch the bags, a voice booms from behind them

Miles: Wow! That's low, stealing a dead guy's money.

Sky: What'cha expect from Gametime?

Gametime: Hey!

Miles: You know what, let's just explore that cave before you two are next to go to Wonderland.

Sky: Did you just use a fairy tale to threaten me?

Miles: Yes! Now move it!

Sky: Yes, Ma'm!

Sky and Gametime rush into the cave, when they see a sleeping dragon. As they slowly back away, a large boulder blocks the entrance to the cave.

Sky: Miles!

A coughing comes from outside, when suddenly, a loud and almost growling voice speaks

Dragon: Thou shant pass!

Sky: Wow. Not only can dragons talk, but they can see into the future!

Gametime: They can also fuckin' kill us!

Sky: Oh, right!

Gametime and Sky begin pushing the boulder when the dragon begins to spew.....bubbles?

Sky: What the...?

Gametime: Get em'!

Gametime starts bashing the dragon's veiny paws with the handle of his scythe

Sky: First of all, that isn't how you use a scythe. Second of all, what if the thing is friendly?

Gametime ignores Sky and keeps harshly smacking the dragon

Sky: Welp, if you can't...erm.....lecture them, join them.

Sky begins to join in the action by throwing explosive potions and bombs at the dragons. Not long after, the dragon poofs into smoke, along with the boulder blocking the entrance to the cave. Miles runs into the cave

Miles: What happened?!

Sky: Slayed a dragon, casual Tuesday.

Quickly after Miles and Sky converse, a piece of wall crumbles, and a village can be seen

Gametime: Well, are we gonna go screw up that peaceful village or what?

Miles: Or maybe just ask if anything strange has happened....?

Gametime: Fine, let's do it your way, then...

The three walk into the village, where people are calmly walk around carrying baskets, fishing rods, and food

Miles: Wow, this is a nice place...

A horse in a dress walks by them

Gametime: Just back it up, guys....

The three slowly back into a place that looked partially like a kitchen, and partially like a laboratory. A barbarian dressed chef, female wizard, and a bipedal goat in a robe are standing around

Miles: Food.....

Sky: Miles, I doubt there is going to be ANY trouble in the kitchen.

Gametime: What about the......potion-y place.....?

Miles: You mean the Explodatorium?

Sky: Guys, its called a explosion lab!

Miles: Oh....right.

Gametime notices a ladder in the ground with the head a guy with a purple hoodie popping out

Gametime: Hey, who's the freakshow?

Sky: Shade......deja vu.....

Miles runs over to Shade

Miles: You still owe me a horse costume!

When Miles runs over, Shade vanishes

Sky: Huh...?

Miles: Was that....an anger mirage?

Gametime: Probably something psychotic like that......

Sky: Let's try and find him....

Sky starts climbing down the ladder

Miles: Sure....follow the crazy man into the rabbit hole with no visible end.....okay....

Miles and Gametime shrug at one another and climb down the ladder

Sky: Wow, it smells like alcohol and loneliness down here...

As they look around, they see several barflies at the underground tavern's table either looking miserable or crying. Miles sees in the corner a lonely red-headed man that looked like he was royalty.

Miles rushed over to the character and began to speak to him

Miles: What's a king like yourself doing looking so lonely in such a cramped and disgusting tavern?

King: Alas, I am everything but the king to this point.

Miles: What?

Miles waves over Sky and Gametime, who were having an underage drink or two. The king takes a slow sip out of his mug of beer and mumbles for a minute or two before he finally speaks up

King: About a week ago, I was thrown out of my kingdom's throne or pushed to the streets where this new ruler said I belonged.

Sky: New ruler?

Gametime: Who overthrew you?

King: It was.....

Suddenly, the king regurgitates some beer and blood. As his neck falls forward revealing.....a poison blow dart, and all eyes are immediately on Sky

Sky: What....?

Miles: You've got all the magic and poison!

Barfly: He killed the true king! He is working for Sir Kingdom!

Sky: Sir....Kingdom? What....?

The group of people, sorcerers and chivalrous knights alike, get out and point their weapons to Sky

Gametime: Run...

The three quickly run up the ladder, as the town chases them around until they reach an old abandoned house, which they successfully hide behind. After a good thirty minutes that felt like hours, the mob decides to disperse and find them.

Miles: We've got to get outta here quick!

Sky: Okay, we'll have to rush through the few members we run into, and then-

Gametime: Or, we could use this trap door?

Gametime points to a trap door leading to a set of underground tunnels

Sky: That works....I swear that wasn't there before....

Gametime: What IS important, is that it is now!

The group, one by one, climb into the set of tunnels. The dirt felt new, as if the path was just dug.

Sky: Does this tunnel ever end...?

Gametime: Calm down, we just have to find our way our......somehow.....

Miles and Sky: Ugh....

After a few more minutes of walking around, Miles and Sky feel extremely bored

Sky: Do do do, do da do da do, do do do

Miles: The sky was gold....

Sky: It was rose....

Miles: I was takin' sips of it up through my nose....

Sky: And I wish I could get back there....

Miles: Some place back there....

Sky: Smiling with the pictures you would take...

Miles and Sky: Doin' crystal will lift you up until you brea-

Gametime: Could you stop!?

Sky: Hehe....

After another hour of trudging through tunnels and mud, the three finally make it to a golden ladder

Miles: Hallelujah!

Sky: Took long enough!

Sky, Miles, and Gametime begin to climb the ladder, which leads to a trap door. Gametime opens the trap door to lead into another golden room with a golden staff holding an orb on it.

Gametime: Where the heck are we?

Suddenly, two horses with lances charge them, but they are quickly taken out by Sky and Gametime with bombs and scythe respectively.

Miles: What now...?

There was a long, comfortable, yet unnerving silence, when Gametime spoke up

Gametime: I have a crazy idea...

Miles: If I can deal with Shade, I can deal with you. Shoot.

Gametime: What if we could try and take out that phony king?

Sky: Why would we even TRY to do that?

Gametime: It could get the village on our good side again and possibly let us leave this game.

Miles: He makes a good point....

Sky: Well, what're we waiting for?

Sky begins to stroll off, when a chandelier falls from the ceiling and Sky lets out a blood curdling shriek

Gametime: Well, if our Sir Kingdom was made of glass, we've already won.

Sky: Very funny....

Sky put a more confident look on his face.....until the same thing happened a second time

Miles: Jeez, dude! The chandeliers fall when you walk under them!

Sky: Oh....heh.....right....

Sky walks under a chandelier, but side-steps it, narrowly dodging it.

Sky: Hey! I did it!

Gametime slowly and sarcastically claps as Sky bows

Miles: Alright, come on! We don't know if that mob will find us!

Sky: Yeah, you're right!

The group rush to the next room, which is an outside zone of the castle, with a griffon sitting and staring at them with an angry look

Gametime: Get ready for a fight!

Suddenly, the griffon just flies away calmly

Miles: Huh?

Gametime: Never mind that! Let's move!

On the next section, the three face against several propeller rats, which were easily taken out by Miles

Gametime: Not bad, my friend.

Miles: Friend?

Gametime: Acquaintance.

Miles: I'll take it!

They jump down a hole into the next room with a vicious knight awaiting them, but Sky easily blew him up with some explosives

Sky: Hey, for once I didn't blow up my house using explosives!

In the next room, there was one lone book and nothing else

Miles: What.....?

Sky: Is this it?

Miles: I guess.

Sky: Well....go us, I guess.

Gametime: What!? This CAN'T be it!

Out of blind fury, Gametime slashes the book, which causes several platforms to appear

Miles: Woah! Nice work, Gametime!

Gametime: I meant to do that...

Sky: We don't make a bad team....

As they exit that room, they enter a hallway with a checkpoint in it. Sky calmly touches the orb and moves on with Miles and Gametime

Sky: Could this be it?

Miles: Only one way to find out!

Miles kicks down two doors to reveal a man in a yellow business suit with spiky blonde hair

Sir Kingdom: I've been expecting you...

Sky: Um....okay? That isn't creepy at all....

Sir Kingdom: I meant I've been expecting you to attempt to dethrone me!

Miles: You've been expecting us? So, I made this whole speech for nothing?

Gametime: Also, wouldn't you be kinda de-dethroned? Or would it be throned? I'm confused...

Sir Kingdom: Ugh! You're all more annoying than I expected! But, don't worry, this shall be quick....

Sir Kingdom hops out of his throne, golden staff in hand

Gametime: Oh no, a staff! What're you gonna do, poke us to death?

Sir Kingdom: Actually, I plan on bashing in your skulls, detaching your heads from your bodies, and make them into warning signs for future intruders.

Gametime: Oh....

Sky: We worked together well on the rest of this stage, why not now?

Miles: Yeah! Plus, King Knight is the weakest boss in the game!

Sir Kingdom: What!? That bearded asshole!

Sky: Bearded asshole?

Sir Kingdom: Never mind that!

Sir Kingdom lunges to Gametime with his staff and connects with his scythe. The weapons grind together for a short period, when Sir Kingdom gets tossed to the ground by Miles and thrown bombs at by Sky. Some how, Sir Kingdom still gets back up hits Miles in the face, giving him a black eye

Miles: You douche canoe!

Miles grabs one of Sky's bombs from his utility belt and throws it in the face of Sir Kingdom, causing him to disappear into smoke

Gametime: We did it...

Sky: We did it....

Miles: We DID it!

A fire pole appears leading them to the bottom of the castle

Miles: So peculiar....

The three slide down to be greeted by a cheering crowd

Sky: Woah! How do they know what we did already?

Gametime: They're NPCs, remember? They automatically know everything we do that can cause a large impact in their lives..

Sky: Hey, you're a pretty helpful guy in these games. Let's keep in touch.

Gametime: Alright. Sounds cool.

A blue portal opens beneath the three and they exit the game, going back to their normal lives